In-law Issues Affect the Family and Farm

By: Jolene Brown

Problem

My husband and I have been farming for 32 years. Our son graduated from college two years ago, moved home, and now farms with us full-time. He recently married, and we provide him and his wife with a house, a vehicle, and some land. Our daughter-in-law was warm and friendly to start, but has turned cold and distant. We’ve asked to sit down with them so we might understand her behavior, but they refuse a conversation. Our son asked us not to talk to her, as he wants to work through it with her. We feel upset, disrespected, and unappreciated. We are baffled because we have been supportive of them and their marriage and don’t understand her hostility. What do we do?

Solutions

There are at least two sides to every story, and the challenge is, you only know your side. The justification of their behavior may or may not be based on reality, but apparently, they are motivated by emotions and goals you don’t know about, and neither of them care to share.

I suggest you find a family counselor and make the same resource available to your son and daughter-in-law. Whether they attend is their choice. Listen to learn. A professional may help explore signs from the past, present options, and provide a mental health assessment.